


Papa.

by D (Crazyrat909)



Series: Doki Doki AU (Alternate Universe) [5]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Crying, Diary/Journal, Doki Doki Literature Club! References, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Men Crying, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 04:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17175569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyrat909/pseuds/D
Summary: "For anyone reading this, today is June 26th, 2017. My name is Natsuki Hirata, I’m 18 years old, and I live with my papa in a small house near Miyagi high school. I’m writing this, because I am currently a victim of child abuse."-Natsuki HirataPushed to her limit, Natsuki writes a pseudo- will, documenting her abuses at the hands of her once loving father, and her plans of bringing him to justice. There is no telling where this will lead, but one thing is for certain. If this fails, she will lose everything.





	Papa.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all!  
> I had a bit of a hard time writing this one, because the subject matter is very uncomfortable. However, I feel that I did a fairly good job being respectful of the topic at hand, and showing off the desperation and sadness of abuse victims.
> 
> \------------------------------------TRIGGER WARNING------------------------------------------  
> This story contains : (Parental abuse, domestic abuse, alcoholism and the threat of death). If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please click off now.  
> \------------------------------------TRIGGER WARNING------------------------------------------
> 
> With that said however, enjoy the story!
> 
> -D

Papa.

     Hello. For anyone reading this, today is June 26th, 2017. My name is Natsuki Hirata, I’m 18 years old, and I live with my papa in a small house near Miyagi high school. I’m writing this, because I am currently a victim of child abuse.

If you are reading this, it either means that I made it to the police station and I’m one step closer to being free, or that I never actually made it and… whatever, that’s not important right now. I can’t take it anymore. I hate myself for not doing this earlier, but I was just too scared of what would happen to me if I lost my house, or what my papa would do to me if he found out about any of this, but I just don’t care anymore. I’d rather be homeless than be here one more day.

It all started when I was little. Around my 12th birthday I remember hearing my parents have a big argument in the living room when I was trying to sleep. My momma was shouting at him about drinking or something which, looking back now makes more sense than I’d like to admit. I do remember seeing him wobbling around a lot and acting weird during my party, so I think he probably got drunk and made my momma really angry. A lot of it’s hazy, but I can’t forget what I heard a few minutes into their argument. I heard my momma screaming at papa until I heard a really loud smack, and the screaming was replaced with crying. I was too scared to move at that point, so I just laid in bed and pretended to be asleep, hoping it would stop at some point… then I heard the door open as my papa called for momma, and the next day she wasn’t with us anymore. I’m not sure exactly what happened that night, but knowing my papa for the man he is now, it’s not hard to guess what he did to make her leave.

Ever since that night, my papa began drinking a lot more. I can’t really remember too many days where he wasn’t shit faced after work, and I can remember even fewer days where he wasn’t crying in his room, too depressed to even talk to me. I felt so bad for him…part of me still does, I just wanted him to be ok, to smile and laugh and take me to the park and spend time with me like he used to. I missed the papa I knew before that night, but looking back now, I’m…I’m afraid he never really existed.

It didn’t take long for the tears and depression to turn to bitter anger. I really can’t remember when it happened, but it just felt like a switch went off in his brain, and now whenever I saw him he was always pissed off about something. We would fight a lot, and never about anything important, any little thing was enough to set him off. A dish not washed, clothes left in my room, a broken glass, an uncooked meal, everything turned into a screaming match between my papa and I until…

It’s kinda funny, our little fights seem so innocent looking back. He was angry sure, and I remember how shitty I used to feel afterwards, but I at least felt safe. I felt that I could slam my door and hide away until we both felt better, then we could tolerate each other for the rest of the night. But then…everything changed.

January 16th, 2013, my 14th birthday, and the anniversary of the first time papa hit me.

Even though him and I fought a lot, he still tried his hardest to be a good dad for me. He would buy me presents after a fight, cook nice meals for me from time to time, or lie with me on the couch while we watched anime until we both fell asleep. It was super rare when it happened, but when it did, it made me feel like life was finally going back to normal. So, when my birthday came up, I was really excited by the idea of getting to see my papa again, the papa I remembered before that night at my last birthday. After school, I ran all the way home, nothing on my mind except for the sight of balloons, the smell of the cake, and the sounds of my father singing Happy Birthday to me! I got to my house, almost tripping on the steps on the way in, swung open the door, and there I saw him… drunk on the couch.

To this day, I can still feel the disappointment of seeing papa drunk on that couch, just as I thought things were gonna be like they used to. But no… he forgot my birthday, or…he didn’t forget, he knew…he just didn’t give a shit.

I screamed at him until he woke up. Watching him rise like a zombie before asking me why I was being so loud only made my blood boil more than it already was. I don’t even remember if I said anything specific, I just remember repeating “I hate you” and “you forgot” over and over, while the tears rolled down my eyes. It wasn’t long before he began to match my yelling, telling me how “tired he was after work”, and how he pays the bills and keeps food in the house, telling me that I was just being disrespectful again. I knew that I was being irrational, I knew it. But I was just…so mad at him. I wanted him to hurt as badly as he hurt me.

That’s when I said it… I wish I could have sucked the words back into my mouth the moment I said them, but it was too late. I danced on the land mine, and it finally blew up…

**“This is why momma left you!”**

All I could feel in that moment was the regret I felt for saying those words, the hot, stinging pain in my cheek, and the overwhelming fear of the man that used to keep me safe.

I ran to my room as fast as I could, slamming the door behind me and hiding in the sheets on my bed. I was still in disbelief about what just happened.

He hit me…

My dad hit me…

The worst part? It was only the beginning…

In the days that followed, papa wouldn’t stop apologizing to me. I can still see the tears in his eyes as he told me how sorry he was for slapping me. But I couldn’t hear a word of it, all I could hear were fake excuses from the man that used to be my dad. I wanted so badly to forgive him for what he did…but I couldn’t. He betrayed my trust and my love, and I will never let him have the satisfaction of feeling like he has control of me like that.

He would promise me on the daily, “It won’t happen again, it won’t happen again, please cupcake, it won’t happen again”, and for a while he was right…until it did happen again. And then it happened again, and again, and again…

Before too long his slaps turned to punches, his words turned to bottles shattered against the walls and his scolding’s turned to nighttime visits to my bedroom, over and over and over.

Our innocent shouting matches had transformed into a constant game of walking on egg shells, trying my hardest to keep papa happy so I wouldn’t have to sleep with one eye open every night, bracing myself every time I came home to a barrage and anger and hatred from the man that told me he loved me, who cared for me when I was just a baby, and who told me he would care for me no matter what happened.

I no longer felt like a person. I was a tool, an instrument for his anger, like a punching bag. Before I knew it, I began snapping at my friends like he did to me. I would get so angry at those who cared about me for the stupidest reasons, and because of this I lost a lot of my closest friends. I was branded a bitch by almost anyone who met me, and it hurt me almost of much as the abuse from my papa did. Not only did I fear him…I was becoming just like him. I couldn’t control myself anymore, I couldn’t keep myself around people without attacking them. So eventually, I just stopped trying.

It wasn’t until high school, where I was invited to the school’s literature club by this preppy girl named Monika, that I finally started to feel safe expressing myself freely, without any judgement from everyone else. I got into my favorite manga series, met some…interesting people, AND it’s where I met my best friend, Sayori Akiyama. She got on my nerves at first, like a lot, but after we got to know each other I finally felt like I knew someone who I could be myself around. I trusted her so much, that I even felt like I could tell her about papa. She was scared at first, but eventually she promised not to tell anyone, and even invited me to live with her! Sometimes it feels like she’s the only person I have in my life that I can trust anymore. And…

And that’s why I’m doing all of this… I’m doing this for you Sayori. If you ever read this, I need you to know that you're my best friend. You’re all I really have right now, and I need you to know this in case anything happens to me. I know you said that you feel like a burden to everyone, but you’re not! You're the only thing keeping me from staying here, and if anything happens…

This note will be, I don’t know, like a will I guess. If for some reason I don’t get out of here, I want everything I own to go to Sayori Akiyama of Miyagi high school. I also want her to see this note, just to know how much she really meant to me because I was too scared to tell her before I went through with this…

There’s only one thing I have to do now. I’m gonna record my dad tonight. I’m gonna show everyone what I’ve had to deal with for the past 4 years of my life. I’m gonna take the footage and I’m going to the police station after school. I don’t feel safe anymore, and I’m not gonna let this man control my life anymore. I’m not gonna let myself be like him.

He’s here. Please whoever readsthis, if anything happens, please rememberme. My nameis  Natsuki HirataNatsukiHirataNatsukiHirataI’msoscaredpleasehelpmeplease-

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading, and I'll see you all at part 6!
> 
> P.S. Shout out to AgentJohn20 on the R/DDLC subreddit, for helping me flesh out the friendship between Sayori and Natsuki! Not all heroes wear capes, and I'm glad they took time out of their day to help with my little story for the subreddit! Cheers!
> 
> -D


End file.
